What to Do When Your Students Don't Like You

Hey, Teachers!

Are you struggling because your students don't like you as a teacher?  

Our students (hopefully) are the reason we took this job. Sometimes, we struggle to reach them, and they truly seem to dislike us. What to do?

How can you develop some new coping strategies AND improve your teacher-student relationships? 😣

Following are THREE WAYS YOU CAN LOOK AT TEACHING to help you build (or rebuild) those relationships. 

1. Students Need Structure and Positive Reinforcement

How do students interpret your directions and rules? Believe it or not, and no matter how resistant your students are becoming, they crave structure from authority and from role models. You may need to:

• Revise your classroom rules by including students in the development of those rules ✅
• Revise individual assignment directions if students are frustrated because they don't understand your expectations ✅
• Avoid being punitive; instead, be encouraging when students make mistakes ✅
• Avoid being quick to assume student motivations ✅
• Determine if your directions and rules are too ancient, out-of-touch, seemingly irrelevant to youth, or lack purpose ("rules for the sake of rules" usually guarantees student disconnect) ✅
• Recognize your students may not care about school, and that a low self-efficacy classroom environment (a classroom where students don't feel successful) can perpetuate those resistant thoughts and feelings ✅

 2. The Disconnect Might Be Cultural

How much do you really know about your students' worlds? Being an older teacher from Gen X leads to a widening gap between teacher and students every school year. Not only do you remember a world that wasn't digital, but you are old in the eyes of kids. But whether you're old or young, how invested are you in your students' interests? You may need to:

• Research social media, apps, games, influencers, music, stories, and other "student world" content that reflects your students' beliefs, values, interests, motivations, and loves ✅
• Interview your students casually to determine what students in your corner of the world enjoy ✅
• Support your students more in those interests ✅
• Recognize that your upbringing was different and probably isn't too interesting to students ✅
• Work from a place of understanding if your cultural experiences differ greatly from your students (urban vs. rural life; politics; race or ethnicity; religion; types of families; lifestyle; and even some personal values) ✅
• Use language in instruction that reflects a culture your students can connect with; try to include that language in assignments to foster increased personal student connection and meaning in the curriculum ✅
• Avoid trying to be like your students; they don't want you as a friend, and you aren't there to be friends with them ✅

3. You May Need to Do the Changing

Teachers get stuck in their ways. We like to be right, but focusing on being right instead of compassionate and caring can often backfire. Students know when you really care about them, whether you're fully present on the job or not, how dedicated you are as a professional, and if you're willing to say sorry when you make a mistake. You may need to:

• Eat a slice of humble pie (realize your mistake, be willing to acknowledge it to students, and change your behavior in the classroom to improve your relationship-building) ✅
• Focus on being more approachable as a educator (sometimes, we can give an air that we're too serious, we're too confident, or we're unwilling to listen to students' views) ✅
• Reevaluate what being a good teacher means, from the student view; and help students understand your reasoning  ✅
• Question your reactions and responses when students do things you don't like, and revisit what those reactions and responses should be to create more harmony ✅
• Avoid sacrificing everything that matters to you in facilitating classroom life, but be willing to adapt to new classes, new groups, new school years, and even new administrators who are doing things differently; don't take that out on the kids; and be willing to compromise by determining the "non-negotiables" to underscore positive classroom experiences ✅
• Avoid talking down to students ✅
• Be willing to grow as a teacher ✅

The most important lesson in teacher-student relationships is that our students teach us how to teach them. We're not perfect. We don't always win. Sometimes, there are students who are unreachable for us but who respond well to other teachers.

Is there a secret sauce?

The best rule of thumb is to be open-minded about what you can do as the leader of your classroom, and to recognize that this understanding evolves with each new set of learners.

A leader strengthens others and helps to bring out the best in others.

How can you do that more completely so your students start seeing you as someone to trust and respect, not someone to dislike?

How can you see yourself as a teacher-leader by addressing your professional identity to explore new ways of defining your teaching roles?